Star Ford

Essays on lots of things since 1989.

Corporate America

on 2015 August 3

An exchange between my brother and the marketing department in the nightmare part of his head as he concocts a greeting card.

Happy Birthday!
[Too simple. Needs more "pop" - VP Marketing]
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We wish upon you a joyous anniversary of your birth!
[Lose "anniversary." Sounds too old-fashioned. - VP Marketing]
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Joyous greetings to you on your birthday!
[I'd like to try not to use the word "birth" if possible. 
Possibly offensive. - VP Marketing]
-------------------------------------------------------------
Wishing you joy on this special day!
[I think we've gone too far -- sounds too generic. Needs to 
convey a personal touch. And more pop! - VP Marketing]
-------------------------------------------------------------
Blam! Pow! What a day! It's your day!
[Need to make them aware that it could be other's day as well. 
Let's not be exclusive. - VP Marketing]
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Blam! Pow! What a day! Happy day to you!
[Sorry, should have mentioned this before. "Blam" and "pow" don't 
fit the mood. Keep it classy. - VP Marketing]
-------------------------------------------------------------
What a special day! Happy day to you!
[Thinking we've lost focus, this isn't a children's book. 
Let's go in a different direction. - VP Marketing]
-------------------------------------------------------------
We wish you a merry day, and all the best.
[Avoid "merry"--connotations with Christmas. Needs to be 
non-denominational. Little more "pop" - VP Marketing]
-------------------------------------------------------------
We wish you a happy day! All the best to you.
["You" is in there twice. Simplify. - VP Marketing]
-------------------------------------------------------------
Wishing you the best on this happy day!
[Talked with HR. They feel "birthday" is far enough removed 
from "birth" to not offend. Let's go back to that. - VP Marketing]
-------------------------------------------------------------
Wishing you the best on your birthday!
[Just thinking that this may need to be personalized and may 
not be "from" someone. Let's lose the "you" altogether. - VP Marketing]
-------------------------------------------------------------
Happy birthday!
[Perfect. Let me run it by the board and i'll get back to you. 
- VP Marketing]
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